I once heard that sex is about 10 percent of marriage; unless you’re not having it, then it’s 90 percent.
Is sex a mine field in your marriage?
You know, the territory you have fenced off and avoid at all costs because it’s just too dangerous to enter.
In the last few weeks I’ve read blogs for Christian women, watched podcasts, and talked to married women about sex.
I’m writing this post and a few that will follow to try and shed some light on a subject we usually push into the shadows.
The best way to begin is to see what the word of God has to say about sex.
Why is Sex is the Key to Maintaining Your Connection as a Couple?
Genesis 2:18, 24-25.
18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
That word cleave literally means to stick like glue.
God’s plan for man and woman is a bond so close they become one.
This doesn’t mean you cease to be individuals.
It does mean that marriage has the potential to offer unparalleled intimacy with another person.
Sex is uniquely designed to foster this deep bond.
Frequent sex not only maintains your connection to each other, but enhances it as the years go on.
Stop Saying No
1 Corinthians 7:2-5
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
. . .the affection due her
. . .the affection due him
There is a duty in marriage, but a duty designed to be incredibly pleasurable for both.
And, there are consequences for neglecting that duty.
It puts you both at risk.
What are the risks?
An ever widening gap that stretches out between you making you feel isolated and disconnected.
Negative tension that grows and ultimately flows into your daily interactions.
Emotional distance that leads to indifference and/or hostility.
Temptation to find someone else able to provide affection and the connection most people naturally crave.
Solutions in Under 30 Minutes
Are you and your spouse content with your sex lives?
In marriage sex is a little like comedy—timing is important.
There are lots of reasons couples struggle with getting and staying in sync, but there is a simple remedy.
Take a tip from Nike and Just Do It.
One simple resolution in the morning can carry you through a busy day, a hectic dinner hour, kid’s homework, and household chores all the while building your anticipation of affection, pleasure, and bonding with the one you love.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It doesn’t have to be earth shattering, but you can aspire to it just for fun.
The important thing is to make it happen often enough to satisfy you both.
A lack of regular lovemaking can leave one or both partners feeling upset, confused, and rejected,
Sex is a powerful catalyst for connectivity, for bonding, for closeness, and for intimacy.
Sex is affirming.
It says, “I love you, I desire you, I want you”.
Before you spend another 30 minutes watching a sitcom, or scanning Pinterest, or updating your Facebook profile, make a plan to reconnect with your spouse.
You might be surprised how many little problems, irritations, and conflicts will resolve themselves.
There is, of course, a ton of information available on the web.
I’ve listed just three resources here.
The first is an interesting article from WebMD.
The second is a list of Myths from Dr. Phil.
The third is a book a young married woman recommended. She and her husband read it and found it helpful to understand How To Show Love to one another in a way that resonates individually.
See MYTH #7 http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/26
In his book,
The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, Gary Chapman reminds us that
“People speak different love languages.”
Obviously I’ve written this from a Christian perspective.
That’s because I’m a Christian.
I’d like to hear from you.
How do you and your spouse hurdle the common difficulties of enough time and energy to have a satisfying sex life?
How often is often enough?
And how does a temporary conflict between you effect sex?
In real love you want the other person’s good. In romantic love you want the other person.
More on this in the next post.