Celebrating Fresh Paint, The Death of Mold, & Grammar Bloopers

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The mold is dead, the plastic containment tarps have come down, and the painters have finally packed up their demon possessed air compressor and left me some peace and quiet for blogging!

I wrote something yesterday that didn’t strike the right chord with a fellow blogger. My bad.
But it reminded me how easy it is to muddle what you intended to say.
I’ve saved these Grammar Bloopers in a file for a long time hoping for an opportune moment to trot them out and share the fun with friends who can appreciate them.

Many of you have said that part of your motivation to blog comes from a renewed passion for writing.
I’m amazed at your style and impressed by your syntax.
Outside WP, others, aren’t quite as conscientious or skilled.
And a little confusion about the nuts and bolts of English grammar can produce hilarious results!

I have no idea where this collection originated.
It’s called Did I Read That Sign Right?
If you know please share the source.
If you are the source, please don’t sue for copyright infringement.
I’m all tapped out from recent home improvements.


Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR
BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE
ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER
YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE
TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING
MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T
KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE
FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL
YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD
ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)


Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and
Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!
They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn’t help but send this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert
Says

Really? Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down
Jaywalkers

Now that’s taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect
Homicide

They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group

Weren’t they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!


And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?


Since I don’t know where this came from you should feel free to share it until one of us is contacted by a Lawyer šŸ˜‰

19 Comments on “Celebrating Fresh Paint, The Death of Mold, & Grammar Bloopers

  1. Kelly if you have been keeping this ready for such a moment – what else have you got tucked away? šŸ™‚

    This is brilliant!! Thank you.

    • I’ve always admired people who can tell a joke and make me laugh. That’s not my forte, but I knew this had comic relief ‘written’ all over it šŸ˜‰

  2. This is hilarious! Thanks for the awesome laughs this morning!! Gotta love the King’s English.

  3. I love ’em all, Kelly! It reminds me of a comedian I watched once. He asked the question…”Why do gas stations lock their bathrooms? Are they, like, afraid somebody might go inside and actually clean one up?”…haha…

    Good post,
    Steve Pejay

      • They should condemn them! I don’t know about you, but I would be faced with a “50-50” proposition between using a gas station “facility” and just “holding it!”

        Sorry if that’s too graphic…

        Steve šŸ™‚

      • “Oh the reality of reality…”

        ~Steve-ism

        You can use that, Kelly!

        šŸ™‚

      • More like “bit-coin” I think!

        šŸ™‚

      • I should know what bit-coin is, but as a Christian I have to confess that I don’t! I’m going to Google it right now šŸ˜‰

      • Let me know what you think, Kelly…

        šŸ™‚

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