Sex in Christian marriage isn’t just physical—it’s deeply spiritual and beautifully purposeful. In this post, we’ll explore how God designed sex to maintain a vital marriage connection, helping husbands and wives stay bonded in body, heart, and spirit. When intimacy thrives, it strengthens your relationship; when it’s neglected, distance quietly creeps in. So what is your “marriage barometer” saying today? 

We’ve all heard the line: “Sex is 10% of marriage—unless you’re not having it, then it’s 90%.” There’s truth in that. Intimacy often reveals the current health of your relationship and, just as helpfully, points to what might need attention.

I once watched a young couple leaving a church in Venice. That’s them in the image above. 📸 He reached for her hand to steady her on the worn stone steps. A whispered word, an answering smile, and the look he gave her said everything: love, delight, connection. That sense of attachment is part of what God designed sex to nurture and protect.

---

Sex: The Barometer of Connection

Think of sex as one of your marriage “vitals.” Like a pulse or temperature, it gives an honest reading. Is it drawing you together—or quietly pushing you apart?

For many couples, sex becomes a minefield: schedules, exhaustion, hurt feelings, unresolved conflicts, shame from the past, medical issues, mismatched desire. Avoiding the topic can feel safer than crossing that terrain. But bringing it into the light, with compassion, is where healing begins.

Before we fix what’s broken, we return to God’s design.

---

God’s Design: Leaving, Cleaving, and Becoming One

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh… And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
—Genesis 2:24–25

In Scripture, cleave means to cling, to be glued together. God’s intention for marriage isn’t the loss of individuality; it’s the gain of unparalleled intimacy—a covenant closeness where two lives are knit as one.

• Sex uniquely serves that purpose.

• The physical closeness and shared delight bond you in ways words can’t.

• Intimacy cushions life’s bumps—work stress, parenting challenges, financial strain, grief—and reminds you why you chose one another.

Over time, regular, mutually satisfying intimacy doesn’t just maintain connection—it deepens it. Think of it as mortar in the brickwork of your life together.

---

A Compassionate Reading of 1 Corinthians 7

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband… Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time… and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you.”
—1 Corinthians 7:3–5

Paul’s words aren’t a blunt instrument; they’re a gentle reminder that God designed married sex as shared affection, not leverage. The emphasis is mutuality, tenderness, and care.

When intimacy is chronically absent, risks rise:

• Emotional distance and isolation

• Growing tension that spills into daily interactions

• Vulnerability to temptation for both spouses

Instead of duty, think delight. Instead of pressure, think partnership. Healthy biblical intimacy is an invitation into comfort, joy, playfulness, and oneness—together.

---

Simple Ways to Reconnect (Often in Under 30 Minutes)

Sometimes the hardest part is getting back in sync. Start small and kind.

Try this rhythm:

• Start in the morning. A quick text or whispered, “Let’s make time for each other tonight.”

• Lower the bar for “perfect.” You don’t need the ideal setting to share affection.

• Choose connection over performance. Focus on tenderness, conversation, laughter, and savoring one another.

• Make it frequent enough to satisfy you both. Agree on frequency together—then protect it like any other important commitment.

Before you spend another 30 minutes scrolling or watching a show, consider investing it in your marriage. You may be surprised how many irritations soften after you’ve re-connected.

---

Your Next Step Toward Closeness 

Tonight’s 3-Step Connection:

1. Look + speak. Take your spouse’s hand, meet their eyes, and share one specific thing you appreciate about them.

2. Pray briefly. Ask God for tenderness, healing where needed, and renewed joy in your intimacy.

3. Pursue gently. Share affection without pressure. Let it be warm, playful, and mutual.

7-Day “Closer” Challenge (Optional):
For one week, prioritize 15–30 minutes of daily connection—conversation, cuddling, unhurried kisses, or lovemaking—based on mutual desire and consent. Track how it changes the tone of your days.

God delights to restore intimacy that reflects His faithful love. 

---

Thoughtful Resources

There is, of course, a ton of information available online.
Here is a thoughtful balanced article about married sex, and the intimacy it creates. https://corechristianity.com/resources/articles/is-sex-actually-important-in-a-christian-marriage-

And I want to recommend two books both from Sheila Wray Gregoire, the woman behind tolovehonorandvacuum.com

The first is called The Great Sex Rescue and I’d give it as a Bridal Shower gift if I was still attending lots of those.🙂 The other book is a decade older but it’s a classic called The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. Both have plenty of research, Biblical grounding and good ideas to help you discover the joy that God intended you find in this special part of your marriage.

Obviously I’ve written this from a Christian perspective.
That’s because I’m a Christian.

I’d like to hear from you. If you’d like to share your thoughts you can find me on Instagram @kellyjgrace.

For now you might just reflect on some of the following questions.
What ways do you and your spouse hurdle the common difficulties of enough time and energy to have a satisfying sex life?
How often is often enough? What helped you reach that agreement?
And how does a temporary conflict between you affect sex?

In real love you want the other person’s good. In romantic love you want the other person.
Margaret Anderson

If this encouraged you, share it with a friend—or save it to your Marriage board on Pinterest for a gentle nudge later. And I’d love to hear from you on Instagram @kellyjgrace.

From the Podcast

I did a short 3 episode series on Marriage. How to Make Yours Work, How to Make Yours Fun, and How to Make Yours Meaningful.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/44ShmWOdDEQMQesTXYhWxd?si=aba3a10e26594f2b

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5MaqBxbktwif8rfpLoXJOE?si=76024aee4f5643b4

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4LyzWNEUBz5ucXpDrGX1xT?si=03c521452bd841b2

A Fun Resource

One last resource for you is The Adventure Challenge. I talk about it in Episode 17 Marriage: How to Make Yours Fun. Find it here https://bit.ly/4qHz9tk
I gave one as a gift to our son and his wife and they enjoyed it, but I didn’t choose any of the ‘Intimate, Spicy’ 🌶️ versions. So I’m telling you to do your homework and read lots of reviews if you consider any of those. I’m NOT endorsing those because I’ve never seen or tried one🙃 And I don’t want to be responsible if you find something offensive. 😬 Caveat Emptor: Let the buyer beware!
This company has a lot of products to help you and your family and friends connect. Could be a great Christmas gift.🎄🎁

Thanks for reading and if you have any great gift ideas I’d love to hear them. Hit reply and then ‘spill the tea’ 🫖

XOXO,

Kelly