Define a Good Wife
That seems like it should be easy enough, right? You should be able to sum it up in a few sentences. Especially if you are a wife. But when I tried to define a good wife I found it was harder than I thought it would be.
Maybe it would be easier if we met some girlfriends for coffee at Starbucks and made it a roundtable discussion. A Committee consensus might help us nail it down, spell it out.
What does it take to be a good wife, or a better wife?
We could start with a list of things we think husbands might find desirable.
Let their preferences shape the outlines.
√Make love more often
√Work out and keep your figure
√Let him have the remote
√Ask if he’d rather play golf Saturday than mow the lawn or go school shopping with the kids
√Endure another business dinner with his boss, yes, the one you think is a primate
√Spend less money on yourself
√Be excited about the Sports car he really wants to buy
One Man’s Surprising Response
Let me share a real response from a real husband. Not my husband, but a man I think would say his wife is a good wife. His impromptu remark was like a window into his heart. The context of our conversation was around the commands given to husband & wife. And at the moment we were talking about a wife’s submission. This exchange took place over lunch after the last session of a Marriage Retreat we’d attended over the weekend.
His wife said, “I’ve always submitted, I mean don’t you think I’ve always submitted to you in our marriage?” And without any lengthy consideration he said, “Submitted yes, but there have been many times when I didn’t feel you were with me.”
Her brows furrowed and I’m not sure she understood what he was saying. The Dining staff was trying to finish clearing up so that ended the conversation, but it has always stood out in my mind as a significant, revealing and important declaration from him.
I wonder how many husbands might feel the same. My husband and I discussed it thoroughly on the long drive home that day.
A Good Wife Embraces God’s Will
I’ve heard many pastors preach on marriage and most say that a man has this intrinsic need for respect, so God commanded wives to submit to their leadership.
Likewise women have a deep need for security so the husband is commanded to love as Christ loved the Church.
I’m sorry, but those seem like stereotypical ego centered needs. When God committed the leadership role in marriage to Adam He did what was best for both Adam & Eve. He established a hierarchy of responsibility and decision making designed to serve both of them by preventing constant contention and conflict between them. And even then God warned Eve that she would always be desirous of ruling over her husband. That’s what that little phrase means, your desire shall be for your husband, but he shall rule over you. It’s not sexual desire, it’s the desire to be the one in charge to have the final word. That’s what poses a constant potential danger to the relationship, an ongoing question about who has the final responsibility for decisions. And a perpetual unwillingness to acknowledge that God is wiser than we are and absolutely has the right to stipulate the parameters of marriage.
My Own Good Wife List
I’d put four things on a list of what it takes to be a good wife.
1. She embraces God’s design for marriage and trusts the wisdom of God’s decision concerning leadership.
2. From Proverbs 31:11 Her husband’s heart can safely trust in her. In other words, she is FOR HIM. He has her loyalty, support and belief in him.
3. From 1 Peter 3:4-5 She has a gentle and quiet spirit which springs from a deep faith and trust in God and which is the source of her submission to her husband. She is REALLY submitting to God & trusting in Him.
4. Her motivation is always to minister to her husband and never to manipulate him in an attempt to get her own way.
My Own Mission Statement
Years ago I found a Mission Statement, a single mantra to guide my words and actions toward my husband when I’d rather be selfish and destructive and get what I want.
Will this do good or harm to my husband and our relationship?
That’s not what you wanted to hear, right?
Let’s talk HGTV instead.
You’ve seen the shows like Property Brothers that feature a complete remodel.
Did you ever notice the tools? Some are for tearing down, for demolition, and others are constructive, for building.
When things get out of sync between me and my husband I only want constructive tools at the ready.
I can’t control my husband’s response, but I can decide in advance that I won’t, in the space of a few moments, damage something we’ve both been working a long time to build.
How do you handle the tough times and rough patches in your relationship?
She does him good and not harm for as long as she lives (Proverbs 31:12)
The following article was attached to an email I received this week.
Ever wonder if your marriage is normal? Check it out! I think you’ll find yours is a pretty normal marriage.
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